HONOR AND RESPECT

A friend who read my last blog was asking what prompted my change in the way I started 'honoring' Aaron, or why it suddenly became so important. And I was probably wrong about the time frame. It was probably 2 or 3 years sooner than I indicated.

At any rate, the subject of marriage has always been of great interest to me. Any information I could get was read, watched or listened to with great interest. I had been working very diligently on my submissiveness for years before that. I had always been 'obedient', but my heart was not always submissive. (I might add, that I still have not arrived. Contrariness is still my enemy to be conquored daily.)

We attended a Bill Gothard seminar, probably in 1986, then Aaron also started attending the minister's conferences. He came home one time with a video of Ed Silvoso entitled "Intimacy in Marriage". That is the ONE piece of information that had the greatest impact on me for a very long time. He is the one who explained so plainly about a man's need for respect. The light came on in my soul in so many areas about my husband. Why he did the things he did, why he asked the questions he asked and why I had the cravings that I had.

He said that a man can do something very well and receive compliments from many many people, but until he hears the words of praise and commendation from his wife, it is all meaningless.

Every Sunday morning of the world, before we'd get home from church, he'd ask me, "How was it today (meaning his message)?" I'd sort of roll my eyes and tell him it was good. Hadn't he paid attention to all the compliments from folks walking out the door? I had heard all those compliments as I stood proudly beside him! Many of them from older and more seasoned christians than I was. Why did he have to ask me? He knew how he did! But he didn't. He had to know what I thought. All those years of my flippant answers became a sour taste in my mouth as I realized how important my answer was to him each time. My heart broke in shame for making him ask me. I vowed never again to be so careless with my answer to him, and to try and praise him before he had to ask me. I can honestly say that I NEVER have to lie to him or sugar coat what I say to him in that area. He preaches what God gives him so I'm praising God as well.

In that video, he said that in Brazil on Friday or Saturday nights, the Satan worshippers meet together to pray to Satan for the destruction of the marriages of the evangelical preachers. I don't know what you're thinking if you are receiving this information for the first time, but I was horrified. But after considering it, I was not so surprised, since all it seemed that we heard back then was that another preacher had been found in sin and his ministry being made a laughing stock to the world. It was then that I pressed the 'accelerator of my learning' all the way to the floor. I decided that if OUR marriage fell, the evil one was going to have to work himself silly to accomplish it. Our marriage was not going down without a major fight.

I was the one who did the homework and he was the one who responded. Does it really matter who does what as long as God is honored by it and it's beneficial to my marriage? If I had said "He's not doing anything to help this marriage, so I'm not going to either" who would have been hurt the worst? God, and then ME! Aaron started receiving the longings of his heart at my hand, and  that was good, but I still feel that I have benefitted the most.

Whether or not your husband is a minister, there is still a mighty spiritual war going on to discredit God by the evil one. Do we want him to win even a small battle because of us? Women's lib has done a terrible injustice to our women. Teaching us to be selfish and out for all we can get at the man's expense. Society does everything they can to feminize man or to make him look like a spineless moron or a mindless clod. Man is God's prized creation and we were created to be his helpmeet not his competitor. A helpmeet is someone who builds up, not tears down. We should be working together for the good of the marriage, not for individual 'fulfillment'. Forgive me for repeating this from a former blog, but my identity is IN my husband. He is who I am. We are ONE. Without him, I am only half a person. I thrive in that knowledge, I glow in that knowledge. And I am growing in that knowledge. 

It amazes me that this big strong man needs someone as insignificant as I am to make his world complete. He shows me all day long every day. Who could ask for more???

I have learned through this, that maintenance is so much easier than repair work. And so much more pleasurable. Even Saturday, I heard those precious words from Aaron's mouth, " I couldn't do without you!" Such a lovely melody in my heart.

LOVE AND HONOR

I was born into a Christian home--in fact, my dad was a pastor, probably even before he and my mom married. At no time here, do I want to convey that my parents did not love me, nor I them. With the very strict way my dad was raised and therefore raised us, I can't remember ever receiving an 'I love you' from either of them, in words or affection while living at home. The last time I remember sitting on my dad's lap was when I was 4 or 5.  And that was in church. I'm not blaming anyone, it's just the way it was. Strangely enough though, my parents were demonstrative with each other- -kissing or hugging--on a regular basis. 

They saw that I was clothed, had food on the table, etc. and I'm sure that to them, should have been enough for me to know their love for me. I remember when I was 6 or so, being overwhelmed with love for my mother, and with great expression said, "Mommy, I love you!". Her words to me were "Well, if you love me, you'll show it by behaving yourself." I was completely crushed, and never said those words to either of them again as long as I lived at home.

Like I said, I KNEW they loved me, but something was terribly lacking in our relationship. They showed me but never told me. I had the head knowledge, but not the 'heart' knowledge.

When Aaron asked me out, I really couldn't believe that anyone would like me enough to want to be with me. When he told me he loved me the first time, I started to blossom, but still doubted that anyone could love me. And oh, how I craved that love. But he kept telling me that he loved me and and eventually, I started to believe him. When he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, I wanted to believe it even more. I knew he loved me on a more surface level, but forever??? He kept telling me, and I finally believed him.

But he didn't just tell me, he showed me too. He wanted to spend every spare minute of his days with me--and he did!! I could tell that he grieved every minute that we were apart. The two together, the words AND the actions finally convinced me that he loved me. But I felt so unworthy. Like there was something about me that he would eventually find out about me--some imperfection that was not revealed to him yet (and there were already many) that would make him stop loving me, or regret loving me. Even now, at times I fall back into that way of thinking and wonder what it really is about me that he can love me. And truly, he could have had almost any girl he wanted. There were several who were not happy about our dating. Why did he choose ME?

We were married for YEARS before I started feeling secure in his love. I always felt that my love for him was more secure than his for me. We were married maybe 17 years when I learned what God truly meant about husbands loving their wives and wives honoring their husbands. They're not just verses in the Bible that sound nice. It's not just how to get along in a marriage--somehing to do--if you will, but God is instructing wives to meet their husband's deepest cravings of the soul. To be honored and respected. And He's instructing husbands to meet the deepest cravings and longings of their wife's soul--to be loved or cherished. And this command is not optional. It is not if he meets your needs, THEN feel free to try and meet his or vice versa. It is WHETHER HE LOVES YOU OR NOT, YOU ARE TO HONOR HIM! AND WHETHER SHE RESPECTS YOU OR NOT, YOU ARE TO LOVE HER!!! So many times I say this to someone, and the next words out of the person's mouth is "well, he" or "well, she" doesn't.......  I repeat... IT IS NOT OPTIONAL WITH GOD.

When I confessed my failures to God (I was too embarassed to confess them to my husband at that time) and started really trying to honor him in every way, watching how I spoke to him, how I look at him, how I greeted him when he walked into a room, how I treated him with others around, how I listened to him, and this is a biggie----practicing TRUSTING him in every aspect of our lives, (decisions concerning finances, the kids, his driving), and eliminating 'constructive criticism' or advice anywhere I could, not correcting him on minor details when he's telling a story or joke,-- things began to change.

It's amazing how many areas we wives try to be our husbands' mothers. It's not necessary for every little detail to be there when he's telling a story. If it's a major detail that will effect others, get him off to the side or whisper in his ear and let him make the correction. Otherwise, gently tell him later or not at all. It is belittling to him and to me when I make myself more knowledgable than my husband.

It's not necessary to tell him how to drive. He drives everyday without our help and arrives safely. He was probably driving before we were! We wives have an enormous capacity for nagging, belittling and emasculating our husbands. I don't care what anyone says, it's NEVER FOR THEIR OWN GOOD. It's to our own detriment.

I'm sorry, I digressed. When I started truly putting all this into practice, including writing my husband little love (respect) notes on Sunday mornings, things began to change, and not necessarily slowly.

Aaron has always been very free with his words of love and affection toward me (how could I have been so slow in believing him?), but all at once something changed, and it was so imperceptive, that, I to this day, cannot put my finger on it. But each word out of his mouth and his touches of affection made me feel cherished as I had never felt before. The look in his eye, his demeanor, his actions all showed me the love and cherishing that I had craved all my life, and I didn't even know that I had craved it.  It's another of the puzzles that God has placed in our lives. The more we respect, the more we are cherished! One hinges on the other. The more we are cherished, the more we respect and honor! But God requires us to do our part whether or not our spouse is doing their's. It's a law.

I am now more secure than I've ever been in my life. My shyness is still leaving me, because I know who I am and WHOSE I am. Aaron helped me to realize that being God's child, I have no need to be a shrinking violet or to feel like I'm inferior, Belonging to Aaron, knowing he loves me, the rest of the world can go hang as long as we have each other. And the LORD of course.

"Playing by God's rules", a man can cause his wife to respect him and a wife can cause her husband to love her. His formula, not mine. I just pass it along.

Once again, I'm so sorry for all of you who are not married to my husband. God gave him to ME!

House full

Well, the kids are all coming 'home'. To me, home is wherever Aaron and I are-- not necessarily where they grew up. To them, it's going to see Mom and Dad's new place to live. Sarah and Sid have already been here a couple of times, but it is the first time for the rest of them. Micah and DeAnna and Shelby arrived Wednesday from Wyoming, Jentry and his 4 kids, Haylee, Logan, Chloe and Maddy arrived yesterday from Missouri--Amy couldn't come because of a new job. Sid and Sarah, Abby and Tucker will be arriving around 6 or so, then Tim and Ragan probably around 10 tonight. Oh, you're wondering about Phoebe? Well, she's already here. She spent the week with us, (and we had fun) To save you're having to count us all, there will be 21 of us. There should be 22. In ONE house! We will have some pretty close communion!

We'll all have all day tomorrow to be together and watch the kids play and the 3 newest additions learn to play together. Three little boys: 20 months, 17 months, and 15 months (approximate ages) who have never played together, whose parents all say they're bullies. lol We can't wait to watch them. I know I'll love watching them as much as I have enjoyed watching the rest of them interract and learn to love each other.

Our family has had some hard knocks this year, but it's looking like we're gonna survive. God has been more than gracious with us and continues to bless us so much more than we have deserved.

Right now, the 2 boys who are the most alike, Jent and Micah are sitting on the couch playing a racing video game. Because I've fussed at them for saying a word I don't like, but is not necessarily horrible--I just don't like it, they have decided to wear me out with another word so that I'll beg them to go back to the original word. Ok, the original word is 'crap'. It jsut sounds nasty to me. So now they've gone to saying 'poop'. They are finding lots of humor in trying to get the best of me. I guess they've forgotten that because of raising the 2 of them and their older brother, they can't get the best of me very easily anymore. I did enjoy my kids--it was always an adventure. It will be another trip when Tim gets here and they ALL get going. I'm looking forward to it. Yeah, I know, I've already said that in one way or another.

I have the briskette in the oven, the cobbler and 'grannie cake' are waiting for consumption, potato salad ingredients are almost ready, and the cucumber salad is done. Disposable dishes are purchased and waiting for use. Hopefully, no one will have to spend TOO awfully long in the kitchen. The chicken is ready for Sid to make the dumplins. He's the designated dumplin and biscuit maker. We will eat well this week end. And being together will be wonderful.

It was this time last year that our world started falling apart. We can almost pin point the moment it started happening. Looking back, it doesn't seem nearly as bad as it seemed to be at the time. It's not time that heals the wounds, it's God! And hopefully, this year will be our greatest ever!

Moving along..... it's in the plan for the grandkids that will be here Sunday morning to sing a special at church. Sarah and Sid will have to be at their church Sunday, and rightfully so. Abby and Phoebe sang when they were here so I won't bemoan the fact that they're not singing with the others, although......

Aren't proud grannies disgusting? I'm sorry for putting you through this read. I'll try and do better next time.

More later---kids are here!!!

GOODBYE DEAR FRIEND

A very sad thing has happened in our lives. A deacon who was very dear and trusted friend  in our last church has passed away. When we moved there, he had the reputation of being grumpy and against everything. That just screamed 'challenge' to me! I'm not one that goes looking for challenges in my life, but in this case I felt up to it! His wife is precious and great fun so she was an valuable asset in this venture.

The deacons and pastor and wives had gone out to eat and when we were leaving, he got on the van before me. When I was walking by him I leaned sort of close to him and looked at him very seriously and reached up and rubbed my thumb on the lense of his glasses and told him he had a smudge on it. Of course it did!! I put it there! Then I sat down behind him and offered to clean it off. He kindly refused and said there was probably a lot worse than that on his glasses, as he had been in his garden all day--a beautiful vegetable garden! Anyway, the next day was Sunday, so when I met him at the door to shake hands with him, he never cracked a smile, but reached up to take his glasses off with his left hand while he shook my hand with his right hand! And that was our routine for much of the rest of the time we lived there. His wife thought it was a riot. And he started to smile more--especially at me. He was like a dad to me and several times I was able to lean on his strength.

He raised the most beautiful tomatoes, vidalia onions, cabbage, lettuce, beans, and peas. His garden was like a picture and he was always modest about it, but gave from it freely. Their house is surrounded by beautiful flowers and trees, the grass is always cut--it looks like a showplace. He truly had a green thumb and a love of growing things.

He had prostate surgery a few weeks ago and then developed a bloodclot. He was in the hospital, seemingly doing better and then took a turn for the worst. So unexpected and sad for us, but good for him. He hated being unable to be in his garden, depending on others to do what he felt he should be doing. He was able to kiss his dear wife good bye and tell her he loved her just minutes before his homegoing. How sweet and wonderful for her to have that memory to cling to.

I let my guard down and fell in love with this couple and it is killing us not to be able to attend his funeral which is on Sunday. His wife completely understands that we can't be there, but I long to be there for her as she was always there for us.....ALWAYS! But we can't leave on a Sunday when we have only been here a little over a month. We just can't get clearance from the Lord to be away from here. God knew this would happen and all the circumstance around this event. And as I always say, 'things generally happen the way they are supposed to' if we let Him have control. I know Bro. Dennis is much happier now--he is in heaven where he belongs. We wouldn't ask him to come back even if we could.....we will go to him.

So, to our dear friend, Dennis Hill, Good-bye--see you in a little while!

Meet Sophie

This is Sophie, my new puppy. Her papers say that she's a Pekingese, but she doesn't look like the standard. They are usually more stocky and large boned and sluggish. She is tiny and quick when she doesn't want to be caught.

I wanted a 'lap dog' and she fits the description with a vengence. She'd rather be carried than walk so I'm looking for a bag so that I can carry her when I need to.

She is 6 months old and she lived 4 of those months in a puppy store, so she has a few fears to overcome. I confess I fell head over heels in love with her when I saw her--I wanted a Yorkie-- and it didn't take Aaron long to fall also. He likes to take her when we go for a ride in his truck. He even got her a box to ride in and she stays contentedly in it the whole trip.

She weighed a whopping 3 1/2 lbs at the vet's today. She wasn't very happy with their proceedures of taking temperature and giving shots-- but she is a healthy puppy, so I was happy even if she wasn't. A couple of my pet names for her are 'Miss Priss' and  'Monkey Face'. I may change her name, but Sophie really seems to fit her, so .....